Da Crunk Revival: 20 Most Bootyful Sistas of Hollywood

Whew, has it been 2 weeks already? Did you miss me? I doubt it but I thought I’d ask anyway. A lot’s happened since my last post. NBA awards have been given out, images have been tarnished, and the playoffs are beginning to heat up. We’ve also seen nudie pictures leaked, and lost legendary coaches and players. While those are important, nothing stood out to me like Maxim’s Hot 100.

As you know, each year Maxim picks 100 women they believe are the most beautiful and trendy in Hollywood. It’s a great concept that in some ways benefits the ladies just as much as the magazine. However my “beef” with the magazine is the limited number of ebony women featured. Six out of 100 doesn’t cut it for me. Not when I see women ranked higher who I know have no business being there. Also the black ladies involved are usually petite and fair skinned, unless they’re having an insanely popular year. Can we get a big booty Nubian goddess or two on the list Maxim? I‘m talking about women who are so thick, their booties clap when they walk. Like I said, I just want to see one or two. Is that too much to ask for?

Seeing as how it’s too late to change Maxim’s mind this year, perhaps there’s a way I could influence the 2010 list a bit. What if I compiled my own list? What if it included the ebony queens who make me look twice or my heart skip a beat? Crazier thoughts have entered my mind. But hey, this might not blow up in my face. I won’t get ahead of myself. There’s a 55/45 chance I won’t come away from this looking like an idiot. So it’s decided…I’m doing it.

Maxim does 100 but I’m too lazy to put forth the time and effort something like that would require. I’ll be fine with only listing 20 ladies. The order might stun you but I guess you have to keep reading to find out. And I want to preface this by saying I almost included Lady just get a laugh out of it, but cooler heads prevailed. Last thing I need is that village she calls a family, hunting me down and hanging me by my shins, while they beat my ass with bats and hubcaps. A little off topic but I’m back on track now. Let’s do this. 

 

20. Jill Scott

This full-figured honey raises eye brows and heart rates with her music. Her songs are included in bedroom mixtapes across the world. I still can’t listen to My Love without biting my bottom lip or rubbing the stubble I call a beard. “My love is deeper, tighter, sweeter, higher, fire, didn’t you know this?” Damn, that’s what’s up!

 

 19. Jennifer Hudson

Juicy lips, voluptuous hips, tig ol’ bitties, and a voice that few can match, these are just a few of the impressive assets Jennifer possesses. I was late to jump on the J-Hud bandwagon, but the strength she showed following the brutal murders of family members, made me to look at her differently. Too bad she’s engaged to a dude best known for being a punk.

 

18. Keyshia Cole

Maybe I have some sort of strange fetish or whatever else you’d call it. But women like Ms. Cole are very attractive to me. Just look at her. Doesn’t she seem like the kind of chic who could take a bullet for her man, and still pop off twelve rounds in a fool?  A woman like that is sent from heaven. Damn, that was corny as hell, wasn’t it?

 

17. Ashanti

This will probably be the shortest reason I’ll write all day. Her body got her on this list because it damn sure wasn’t her music or minor acting roles.

 

16. Thandie Newton

Many of you who read this will think I’m insane for ranking her so low. Sorry folks, she was never going to be in my top 10. 11 – 13 was a more suitable ranking except I had to drop her to 16 based on the minimum number of times I’ve watch her in films, and how I’ve never walked away remembering her. Don’t get me wrong she is just as stunning as many of the ladies rated ahead of her. She just doesn’t do it for me like the others.

15. Taraji Henson

Taraji’s come along way from the days of crying over baby boy creeping with her coworkers. Four consecutive years she’s been honored with nominations by the Screen Actors Guild. And her role in the Curious Case of Benjamin Button was recognized when she received her first Academy Award nomination earlier this year. She’s accepted all of her accolades with that gorgeous smile of hers. You can tell the joy in a person’s heart by their smile, and one thing you rarely see is Taraji without a huge grin on her face.

 

14. Vanessa Williams

We all thought “save the best for last” was only the title and key chorus line in one of Vanessa’s greatest hits. Perhaps we looked at it from the wrong angle. Maybe that song was a prelude to her acting career. Her role in Soul Food was pretty good but Wilhelmina Slater is the crown jewel of her career. Sassy, vindictive, cunning…a role Vanessa was meant to play. Despite being 46 she still looks like she’s in her 30s. I guess that botox is doing its job.

 

13. Keri Hilson

It’s about time she got her shine. I remember first seeing Keri back in 2004 in Xzibit’s Mean Muggin video. I wondered who she was and if she was about to drop an album. It took 5 years and hooking up with Timberland, but it’s finally paid off with her debut album dropping earlier this year. I’m feeling some of the tracks on the there. In fact, Knock You Down might be one of the best R & B tracks I’ve heard this year. Look forward to seeing more of Keri. With that smile and evolution as a song writer, she’s going to be around for awhile.

 

12. Ciara

If you asked me back when Goodies first hit the radio, if I thought Ciara would put out a second, let alone third, I would’ve told you hell no. To my surprise, she’s become one of the bright spots for ladies in the music industry, by finding a way to remain fresh in young fans’ hearts and continuing to drop hits. Love Sex Magic is another catchy tune, and getting Timberlake on a track is like certified hitmaking. Hopefully she keeps working that booty of hers in some videos while it’s still tight.

11. Laila Ali

Swagger comes easily when your father is the greatest to ever do it. Whereas most children of celebrities are content with being known for their famous parents, Laila used her name as a foot in the boxing’s door, and then smashed her way on through. Critics might say she’s still unproven on the ring but they can’t deny she’s the biggest draw in the sport. The greatest career move she could’ve made was participating in the forth season of Dancing with the Stars. We knew she was strong; however we didn’t know how sexy and charismatic she was. Thank the big man upstairs for ballroom dancing.

 

10. Meagan Good

I don’t know when it happened, but little Nina with braces in My Cousin Skeeter turned in one of those chics who pop up in your fantasies. She was always cute, but parts of her body started to fit right. How does a petite woman like her have such big breasts and bubble booty? You saw her in Waist Deep and The Unborn. Need I say more?

9. Rihanna

With the whole Chris Brown hitting her and her taking his ass back, I wasn’t going to include her on my list. Yes, she’s a pretty girl but it’s hard to tolerate her behavior. However, she found a way to get back in my good graces. Her leaked nude pics were a sight to behold. I never realized she has a nice set of pierced boobies on her, to go with that nice little ass of hers. So on leaked nudes alone, she’s in my top 10.

8. Gabrielle Union

I’ve been on Ms Union for years now. With her vivacious smile accenting her milk chocolate skin perfectly, the rest of her body is an added bonus. Don’t get it twisted, she can act her ass. She’s shown that she has what it takes to be a leading lady in Hollywood. As long as she continues working as hard as she does, she’ll be a fixture in our living rooms either on TV or DVD.

 

7. Lisa-Raye

LisaRaye will forever hold a special place in my heart. I think I was a freshman in high school when The Player’s Club came out, and for me Diamond was the most beautiful and attractive woman I had seen at that time. I usually suck at remembering actors and actresses’ names, but I didn’t forget hers. Between modeling, and different acting gigs she’s gotten through the years, two things have not changed. LisaRaye is as radiant as ever, and that phat ass of hers still makes a brotha bite his fist.

6. Beyonce

It’s Beyonce, what can I say. From the jump, she’s had stardom on her mind. Even during the early days of Destiny’s Child, she was the one who was destined to go places. She was the sexy lead singer with the smile that matched her powerful voice. There was no question that she’d venture out and become a successful solo artist, but I never expected this. She’s quite possibly the most marketable woman of color these days. And when she shows those thick legs and hips, she can drive you crazy with some of her dance routines. There’s no question who the queen of R&B and hip hop is right now. That’s title Beyonce won’t be losing anytime soon, if Hova has anything to say about it.

 5. Sanaa Lathan

Some folks out there are sleeping on just how sexy Sanaa is. If you saw her as Monica Wright in Love & Basketball, I don’t know how you couldn’t see potential there. That booty of hers being so big you could see through the baggy clothes and gym shorts. And who could forget the refrigerator sex scene from Disappearing Act. Although she hasn’t had the greatest roles lately, Love & Basketball and Brown Sugar were a great launching point for what is still a flourishing career.  

4. Paula Patton

Honestly, I haven’t seen Paula’s movies. I have seen her on Robin Thicke’s album cover and in the Lose Without U video. So I’m willing to admit the flaws in my logic. She is gorgeous and if I had seen more of her roles, she’d be #1 on my list. That’s just how naturally beautiful she is.

3. Lauren London

New New! I didn’t know this young lady’s real name until about 6 months before This Christmas came out. She was just New New from ATL, the roller skating cutie with the dimples. But her career has really taken off since then. More movie roles are coming her way, as well as guest spots on some of the hottest shows on television like 90210 and Entourage. Give her credit, she’s not settling for being a popular actress in the black community. She’s taking on roles that also expose her to the white audience that may not have seen before. LL has so much potential, it’ll be interesting to see if she can fulfill it.

 2. Halle Berry

It’s Halle Berry…how else can I explain that? At 42, she’s still one of the most beautiful women on the planet. And for 20 years she’s been the most influential and groundbreaking actress of color in Hollywood. Her Academy Award winning performance in Monster’s Ball is often considered her signature role. Though for me it will never be on par with Queen. Her portrayal of Queen Haley in the Queen miniseries is still one of the most remarkable acting performances I’ve seen in my lifetime. No other actress could’ve taken that role to the heights she did. So for that role and the two cantaloupes on her chest, Halle will always remain near the top of my list.

1. Alicia Keys

When I scribbled down the names on this list, Ms. Keys was the first I listed. Without question, she and Paula Patton are the two most naturally beautiful women on this list. Yet there’s a sassy yet soulful, and somewhat seductive element to Ms. Keys that’s rare these days. She’s a classical musician with her own unique sound and style. Her songs are so profound. When you listen to them, they stick with you for awhile. In some ways I think folks are sleeping on her music and beauty. That’s hard believe when each album she releases garners 3 or more Grammys. We’re witnessing greatness. I just wish more people would realize it.

Alright, here you go, the 20 hottest ebony women in my eyes. This was more difficult that I first expected. I went through about 6 or 7 different variations of the list before settling on this one. I thought I could just throw 20 names out there and run through it. Once I got started I realized there was more to the process than looks. Success and familiarity came into play as well. All in all, I think it turned out well.

What are your thoughts on the list?  Love it, hate it? Get at me and let me know.