Posts Tagged ‘Funny

13
Nov
09

Let it Die…PLEASE!

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I hope this is the last time any of us have to think about Kanye’s VMA fiasco. After two months, it’s safe to say the joke is over done. There’s a saying in the urban community, something’s cool until the white folks start using it. During the Country Music Awards, Carrie Underwood and Brad Paisley did a bit where they talked about their favorite music videos, when Grand Ole Opry Legend, Little Jimmy Dickens pulled a “Kanye”.

 

Old people make me laugh so it’s kinda funny. Little Jimmy is nearly 90 year olds and looks to be a foot shorter than Carrie Underwood. Props to the CMAs for a fun time indeed. But at some point we have to move on from this joke so the healing process can begin. No one in pop and country music is bigger than Taylor Swift right now. I’d like to see a moment where she doesn’t have to be reminded of Kanye every time she’s interviewed or recognized for her accomplishments. Let Taylor do her thing and Kanye get some help.

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12
Aug
09

Brooks & Dunn Calling it Quits Ater 20 Years

2_63_110606_cma_brooks_dunnAw man, this is a sad day at Da Fif. Well atleast for me it. It’s the end of an era. Brooks & Dunn are no more. Why??? For real though, I didn’t know who Brooks & Dunn were or what they looked like. But I did somewhat know the chorus to one of their songs. Back when I was in high school, whenever the teacher would leave the classroom for an extra long period of time, my buddy Marques would yell out for me to “hit it”. What he was referring to was the chorus to Brooks & Dunn’s song “My Maria”. I had never heard the chorus, personally but he had and it stuck with him. So while he’s scream the “My MARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIA” part, it was up to me to sing the background vocals. The problem was he didn’t know the lyrics to the background vocals so he made up some for me to sing. I think they went something like, “All I need and all I want…Maria I love you!!!” Classmates would fall on the floor from laughter, and it became a routine we did from 8th grade until graduation day. Thus in honor of Brooks & Dunn breaking up, I finally listened to My Maria. That song is as hilarious to me as the version Marques and I used to do. Thanks Brooks & Dunn for a making that song and providing me with a memory I have yet to forget.

25
Apr
09

Pimpin ain’t easy…or lucrative these days

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 I’ve never been one to keep up with the local or national news. In fact, unless the sports or weather segment is on, you more than likely won’t see it on my TV. Come to think of it, the same could be said about for newspapers and magazines. However with more news being available on the net now days, I tend to keep up with the bizarre and sometimes strange stories out there.  I can’t explain it, crazy white folks living up to their reps amuse the hell out of me. So when I come across a gem, I’ll try to post it for you guys to get a kick out of.

 

Anyway, today’s news takes us to Germany. I knew the economy was kicking my ass, but apparently it’s taking a toll on the world’s oldest profession too. Germany’s prostitution industry is starting to take a hit. It’s gotten so rough that they’ve  had to come up with creative ways to combat the world’s economic crisis.

In Germany, where the world’s oldest profession is legal, prostitutes have created their own version of a stimulus package. Brothels, like the GeizHaus in Hamburg, above, are offering, among other things, discounts to help lure back customers.


Hahahahahahahaha! Are you kidding me? What will they offer next, coupons? Fools would be lined up around the corner trying to a get a trick voucher. Before you know it, trick vouchers would become Germany’s take on food stamps. Fellas, could you imagine some dude coming up to you, offering to trade 15 trick vouchers for a ten spot? I’d take it, then turn back around and sell it for 12.

 

 With a topic like prostitution, the quotes will only get better.

Some brothels have cut prices or added free promotions while others have introduced all-inclusive flat-rate fees. Free shuttle buses, discounts for seniors and taxi drivers, as well as “day passes” are among marketing strategies designed to keep business going.


So if I bring my pop with me and we have a cabbie take us to one of these brothels, do we get some sort of group rate? I need to know so I can compare prices. Let’s make a deal, dammit! This is too funny. They’re treating brothels like they’re mini booty malls over there. A shuttle bus…seriously? Come on man, this has to be a joke. If I buy two hoes, can I get the third one for half price? I wonder if they have a return policy if you’re not satisfied with your purchase. Nevermind, I forgot prostitution is a part of corporate Germany over there. You probably can’t return a hoe if you’ve already opened her. But you could exchange one for another with the same value. Now that I think about it, does a hoes’s value depreciate over time?.

Stephanie Klee, a prostitute in Berlin and former leader of the German association of sex workers, said even if a few luxury brothels were weathering the storm because of their wealthy regular clientele, many were struggling.

“Just about everyone’s turning to advertising in one form or another,” she said. “If the consumer electronics shop and the optician come out with rebates and special promotions, why shouldn’t we try the same thing?”


Since when did hoes have a union?  So I’m guessing pimps have a pension plan too? What if a hoe gets hurt while turning tricks, does she get worker’s comp? Do they have a 401k?

 

I really should end this blog before I come up with another twenty questions to add to it. Hopefully someone will do a little research and answer them for me. Because I’m having a difficult time wrapping my head around prostitution being a major contributor to a nation’s economy so I wouldn’t mind getting a better understanding about how the game works over there.

 

One last thing before I go. To the former lead hoe, if you’re looking to really bring in new customers and get a little pub for your pimp, call my boy from Montgomery to hook them up with a commercial.  

 

If you want to read the read of the article, here you go.

Holla at ya boy!


 

*head nod*